To some extent, I think it’s inevitable that we all turn into our parents. Some people dread it, but for someone who’s lost both of her parents this is something I’ve come to cherish.
With Mother’s Day approaching, I’ve naturally been thinking a lot about my Mom. For years I dreaded the holiday since it felt like a reminder that I was motherless. Since I’ve become a parent myself, my focus has shifted. My goal is to live their legacy by being the best parent I can be and I think has helped me to find closure in the grieving process. And lately, I’ve been noticing just how much of my personality comes from my Mom.
Before there were “Pinterest Moms,” there was my mother. She would take any theme or holiday and take it to the next level. I distinctly remember her studying all of the Polish traditions for Christmas so that she could celebrate it properly for my Dad. There were many elaborate Birthday parties growing up and many celebrations that happened even when there wasn’t a holiday.
As much as she made every day special and holidays something to look forward to, she was so hard on herself. I remember countless frustrated moments when she wanted everything to be perfect and things weren’t working out. These days, I see myself doing the exact same thing.
My Mom was a type one Diabetic and with her disease brought complications that kept her from being a “normal Mom” and I know it bothered her. When I was very young she became legally blind after complications with her pregnancies, so she was never able to drive me to school or activities. For me, the only difference I noticed growing up were her frequent trips to the doctor. But looking back I can understand how she felt.
There have been so many times I’ve wanted to go back in time to my childhood and tell my Mom not to be so hard on herself. Sometimes it feels horrible to understand her struggle and as much as I wish I could tell her I get it, I’ve learned to find comfort in this new stage of our mother daughter relationship.
As much as my Mom was a perfectionist, she had a distinct way of seeing the best of everything. Even though she was hard on herself, she did a good job of talking herself out of it and finding the best in any situation.
I could go on and on about the struggles my Mom went through in her life, but I won’t. The most important part of her story is how much she’s touched the people who knew her even after she is no longer physically with us. Her legacy lives on in myself and so many others who use her as a reminder to see the good in life.
I started this blog six years ago as a way to hold myself accountable as I trained for my first marathon in memory of my Mom. Since then it’s brought me through so many phases of life. Lately I’ve been struggling with what to share and sometimes feel that my life is “not blogworthy,”
When I think about it, maybe sharing my day-to-day of motherhood is just as big as writing about marathon training. Maybe, it’s become my way of sharing my parents’ legacy and reminding myself to see the best in every situation. So for now, this blog post is serving as a good reminder to keep doing what I’m doing, because even if it’s not perfect there’s definitely a lot of good in it and that’s what life is all about.
What traits do you get from your Mom?