Last year on this day, I had my last living conversation with my Dad. Looking back, it is a conversation I will always cherish. This past year I have learned so much and if I could go back in time, here’s what I would tell my myself.
Good Morning, how are you feeling today? I know you’ve been overwhelmed returning to work as a new Mom and I’m glad you’re finally starting to feel like yourself again. Hang onto that confidence, because you’re going to need it.
This morning, your life is going to change. Yes, you’ve been through this before but as you know grief never happens expectedly.
The next year you’re going to prove to yourself how strong you are, no really, you have no idea how strong you are. You’re going to be reminded of who you are as a person and become the Mom, Wife, Friend and Family member you’re meant to be.
You’re going to become more adult really fast- because honestly everything before this year just seems silly. You’re going to deal with legal, financial and emotional decisions you never thought you would make at 29 years old. But, spoiler alert, you’re going to rock at it.
Your marriage is going to be tested, as if parenthood did not do enough of a number on your partnership. It’s ok for things to be hard, because life is going to be really, really hard and you’re going through it together. It’s ok to ask for help so you guys can get through it and things will be ok.
Speaking of parenthood, your beautiful baby boy is going to your savior for the next twelve months. Having him to take care of and to keep you grounded is what’s going to get you through the tough days.
You’re going to find out how lucky you are, so remember to be grateful. You have an amazing support system of family and friends who love you unconditionally and they are going to do so much to help you. And you’re going to let them and you should be proud of that fact.
Thank goodness for all of the things that will keep you busy, because you have never experienced a year quite like this before. It will prove to be a great distraction.
The firsts will be hard, but you know this and you’ve learned from experience to let yourself feel. You’ll let days be hard and you’ll let yourself grieve. Surprisingly, things won’t be as bad as you expect.
Lastly, next February will arrive and it’ll hurt as you relieve the memories. Cry through them.
Once you get through the tough moments, you will think about your life and realize it’s pretty great. You’ll feel grateful and happy and then guilty because you’re not “supposed” to feel happy.
But then you’ll remember that thing your Dad used to say after he lost the love of his life. “Every morning that I wake up is a good day.” It might have been complete BS and he may have been just saying that, or maybe he was trying to get himself to believe it, but in the end he truly did. He believed that life was a gift and you’re to remember that over and over again for the rest of your life.
So, when you get to the other end of this, be grateful and enjoy this day. Take a look around and be proud of the life you’re living and go out and live it. This is the legacy you are meant to live.